Signs of a Cheating Husband

Question: How would I know that my husband is cheating on me?

Dear Glenn,

How would I know for sure that my husband is cheating on me? I've been married for nearly eight years now and feel like we've really grown apart. He goes away often for business and sometimes I just intuitively feel that he has been with someone else. Yet I've never found any hard evidence - and believe me, I've been looking! When I ask him about it, he just gets angry and says I am needlessly jealous. It feels like our relationship is falling apart because I'm suspicious of his business trips and long hours at the office. Hence, sex between is just not what it used to be. Do you have any advice for me?

Anonymous

Glenn's Answer:

This is a tricky situation -- on one hand you "intuitively" feel he's cheating, and on the other hand you have ZERO evidence, and not from lack of trying. Hmmm...what's this tell you? Well, not a damn thing! Anyway, let me share two experiences with you.

1. Toward the end of my first marriage I STRONGLY suspected my wife was cheating, but did not have proof. So it did play hard on me emotionally, which made me withdraw both physically and emotionally. Long story short, she asked for a divorce. Not being a person who wants to be with someone who does not want to be with me, I packed all her stuff and had it sitting by the door for when she awoke the next morning. She had her "boyfriend" pick it up and move her in with him.

2. Now for the second experience: Post marriage #1, I eventually met and lived with a woman. We lived in a high-rise apartment complex where I knew many of the tenants. She was somewhat of a local celebrity and often had friends over to party. During many of these times I would go visit friends in the complex just to chill. After a while, she began suspecting that I left because I was "seeing" someone in the building. Not true! I just enjoyed some chillin' out time. But due to her insecurity, she kept accusing me of cheating. Emotionally, she would run hot and cold. I would try my best to prove to her that I was not cheating. Eventually she was thoroughly certain I was cheating, and I could no longer take her emotional ups and downs, and left.

So, what does all this mean? Without solid proof you will not know if he's cheating. If you continue to suspect, you may be sabotaging your marriage. On the other hand, if he's not willing to do his best to ensure you that he's not cheating, it's very possible he is.

Bottom-line, you need to go with your gut instincts and do what's right for you and accept the consequences of your choices -- may it be counseling, divorce, or staying together and drop your suspicions.

Regardless of what you two do, I wish you both personal happiness.

Sincerely,
-Glenn

Want to know more? You may also enjoy our articles on:

Signs of infidelity and how to catch a cheat

Reasons Men Have Affairs

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