Sex Diaries: I Only Orgasm in Dreams

by June

Reader Post in Sex Diaries: 'I am 34 years old and embarrassed to say that I've only ever been able to orgasm in my dreams. I have to admit that I've never had a very high libido, but I do find the act of making love pleasurable. It's the sense of intimacy that I enjoy most. Unfortunately, I never climax, no matter how hard my husband tries.

In previous relationships I used to fake orgasm. Big mistake! It traps you in a situation where your lover thinks that you're satisfied ~ but you're not really. Each time I started a new relationship I vowed not to lie about it, but it always just seemed easier to fake it and get it over with. I also thought it saved both myself and the guy some embarrassment.

When I met my husband, I felt so comfortable with him that I thought I could tell him anything on earth. So I took a deep breath and confessed that I had never had an orgasm right at the start of our relationship. He was dumbfounded of course (given that it comes so easily to him), and then it became a mission for him to make me come.

Sorry to say, but his early attempts often had me end up in tears ~ just from sheer frustration, I guess. And then, one night, I had the most daring dream about someone at work. The strange thing is that I don't have any romantic feelings towards this person but in the dream, we bumped into each other on a crowded train. At each station more and more people got off the train until it was just the two of us. He started pleasuring me with his hands and then his mouth ~ and it happened! I had the most exquisite orgasm! I wish I could find the words to describe it.

Since then, I've often had orgasmic dreams. I think it happens when I've had sex with my husband a few times without being able to climax and the frustration just gets too much. It's as if my body craves the release and gives it to me in my dreams.

I realize that not being able to orgasm in a waking state means that there is some kind of psychological barrier that prevents me from succeeding. Maybe it has to do with my religious upbringing. My father was very strict when I was growing up and the message I received about sex when I was young was that it was 'wrong', 'bad' and certainly not to be enjoyed. I don't believe it anymore of course, but my body still won't respond.

I can only hope that if I keep trying, some day the magic will happen for me with my husband when I'm wide awake!'

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