Sex Diaries: How can I get more Romance?

by Rhonda
(Canada)

Reader Post in Sex Diaries: 'I'm in my thirties and in a satisfying love relationship (mutual support and respect)... but just recently I've started asking myself: 'How can I get more romance?'

I don't doubt that my boyfriend loves me, but I'm getting a bit tired of fulfilling his needs when it comes to sex - and getting no romance in return.

He's happy to get down to business at the blink of an eye - no foreplay needed. I don't understand how he can be turned on and ready to go within seconds. What I get is a 'okay, come on, let's f...' and then I'm expected to drop everything (including my pants) and get it on.

I think part of the problem is that he loves porn. Not that I think he's addicted to it - he just loves watching it (probably no different from most men). However, I guess the fantasy becomes that a woman is always ready to please her man. Not even just ready - panting for it. And that foreplay is a waste of time.

I don't have a massive problem with porn - I admit to sometimes getting off on it too. What I object to is the expectations it places on me to act like a porn star when we're having sex, while I'm not getting what I need - simple old romance.

Why can't I come home now and then and have HIM waiting for ME with candles in the bedroom, soft music and a bottle of champagne chilling on my bedside table? I'm not asking for this to be a weekly occurrence, but maybe once every one or two months... is it really too much to ask? After all, I wait for him on occasion wearing sexy lingerie and perfume - because I know he loves it and it meets some of his needs.

I'm not saying that I don't enjoy our sex life. I do. It's just that I'm not getting my needs met and he's not willing (or able) to move out of his comfort zone to do something special for me.

Isn't good sex supposed to be a two-way street?'

Note from Admin:

Want to know the secret to understanding men? See The Woman Men Adore ...and Never Want to Leave!