Problems with the Big O

by Mandy
(USA)

Reader Post: 'Both in solo play as well as with a partner I struggle to orgasm. When I masturbate, it seems the only way I ever orgasm is by clitoral stimulation but even then I have to point my toes, and tense my legs- calves, thighs, even buttocks, as well as moving my legs back and forth as if I am doing jumping jacks laying down.

As for during sex, I have Never climaxed with a partner. Sure it always feels good, but never to that next level. I have had the the feeling that I need to pee once, but nothing happened.

I twitch involuntarily while receiving oral from pleasure as they work my clitoris, but never climaxed. I am not sure what I am doing wrong and it's gotten to the point where I feel like I am defective! Any advice and tips would be much appreciated!!

Broken'

Response from Dr. Mia

Thank you so much for writing in. I think it’s important to understand that the main reason to have orgasms is for your own pleasure. Your body is a precious gift, and knowing how to use it to achieve orgasm is a wonderful benefit of this gift. Every woman is able to reach climax – we are all born with a capable instrument and can learn how to create beautiful music with it. When you’re experiencing problems, there are usually physiological or psychological reasons for lack of orgasmic release. There can be hormonal abnormalities that make it harder for you to achieve orgasm, such as oestrogen or testosterone deficiency. If this is the case, hormone treatment can be effective in helping you to get more physically aroused. Make sure that you get advice from a medical practitioner with expertise in the area of female sexuality.

Sometimes it can be as simple as being too tense or anxious to relax the mind and body sufficiently, or trying too hard – and having to learn how to relax and fully enjoy sexual stimulation. A sensate program can be effective in helping you to learn how to stimulate yourself to orgasm in a completely relaxed frame of mind. However, if you think your difficulties may be the result of past trauma that shut down your orgasmic response, make sure to consult a therapist (or check out our online therapy page for individual, targeted advice.)

The most important thing is to know that there is help available. There are some really wonderful benefits of orgasm for your health, happiness and wellbeing – not to mention your intimate relationships - so make sure you get the assistance you need.

Mia Rose