Problems with Orgasm

A Secret Sex Concern Question

'I have the urge to cry after I’ve reached an orgasm but I can’t let go. I also don’t want to upset my partner. What if he thinks it’s his fault?'

Mia Says...

Orgasm can be an emotional event. It has earned its reputation as ‘the little death’. Crying, or in some cases laughing uncontrollably, during sexual intercourse or with orgasm is a normal part of the gift of release.

It’s important to give yourself permission to fully experience the emotions that accompany climaxing. The ability to let go is about freeing yourself from inhibition and to wholly be in the moment. It’s allowing yourself to be intensely vulnerable. This is easier when you know and trust your lover.

I’m willing to bet that your difficulty to let go during sex mirrors control-issues in other areas of your life. It’s resistance to the flow of life in general; not trusting that it’s okay to be both defenceless and strong at the same time; not believing in your own resiliency. This may be a legacy of the way you were raised or the aftermath of sexual abuse. Only you will know if you have some unresolved issues in this regard, and if you do, take whatever measures necessary to find closure.

In the mean time you can practise the skill of letting go in situations where you are safe. Open yourself up to life. Laugh. Cry. Feel. Emotions are just emotions. They may feel overwhelmingly uncomfortable, but they can’t do anything to you. You won’t explode if you have strong feelings. You won’t melt. You won’t fall over. And if you do, you can just get up and move on.

Engage with life on an emotional level by uniting your head with your heart and your body. Loosen up and move more. Read children’s stories. Watch funny movies. Walk in the rain. Build a sand-castle. Do something courageous, despite the fear.

I also suggest that you mention to your partner that you sometimes have the urge to cry after an orgasm and that it’s not about anything that he does or doesn’t do. And then, next time you come, keep the tissues handy.

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