Comments for On Faking

Feb 17, 2009
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On Faking...
by: Mia - Admin

There is actually quite a bit of research that tells us that a lot of men fake orgasms. In fact, the Orgasm Survey, conducted by economist Hugo Mialon, found that 24 percent — nearly 1 in 4 men — sometimes fake the “Big O.”

It seems that both women and men tend to fake for a variety of reasons. Dr Yvonne Fulbright has come up with the following list:

— He feels pressure to perform in a set amount of time;

— She’s really trying to please him, but his body isn’t cooperating;

— He’s exhausted and faking is his exit strategy to sleep;

— He’s not into the sex and just wants to get it over with;

— He’s feeling sexually inadequate;

— He’s with a new partner and can’t relax;

— He doesn’t find his partner attractive;

— He wants to hide the fact that he’s dealing with a medical or psychosexual problem or a sexual disorder;

— He doesn’t feel emotionally connected to his lover (yes, those men exist!);

— He’s covering up the fact that the relationship is falling apart;

— He doesn’t want to disappoint or hurt his lover. He basically wants approval;

— He’s in the closet about his sexual orientation;

— He feels that his orgasm is a way of proving he’s a man;

— He’s grappling with the cultural shaming that invites feelings that he’s let down himself or his partner.

The most important thing to remember is that faking doesn't do either of you any good. It reinforces what not to do. It may even leave you feeling disconnected and isolated, which is really damaging to your relationship.

It's natural for any sexually active individual to have difficulty in achieving orgasm. There are so many factors that come into play, including stress, depression, fatigue, and medications you may be taking.

Talk to your partner if you're struggling. You don't have to admit that it has been an issue for a while. Focus on the present and making things better.

In your discussions, emphasize that neither of you has to have an orgasm every time. Also, refrain from assigning blame when it doesn’t happen. It’s nothing to be taken personally.

Eroticize sex with new positions and techniques, as this allows lovers to connect in different ways.

Stay in the moment instead of working toward a goal.

Reinforce what works for you with compliments and noise that indicates pleasure (while staying sincere).

Remind your partner that you’re still attracted to her or him — that you’re still into your sexual intimacy.

Finally, see a sex therapist if the problem persists over time. Ultimately, the “Big O” doesn’t necessarily make or break a sexual experience.

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On Faking

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