Men and Porn Use

Hey, "London!"

You're asking the age-old question, and it's awesome that you have! And yes, I do have an answer for you. After all, I'm the original, well educated, fun loving Man's Man! :)

Let us first begin with a bit of history. Pornography began back in the stone ages with drawings and carvings on the walls. However, pornography has primarily been the focus of the male fantasy. But is does not preclude woman from enjoying it as well.

You mentioned it sometimes turns you on, too. Excellent! There's nothing wrong with that. It's perfectly normal for open minded people -- male and female alike.

Now, let's delve more into your specific concerns. It's understandable that your emotional side doesn't like your man watching porn. Women, for the most part, are ruled more by their emotions than men. However, it runs deeper than that, and you already stated the reasons -- you're 34-years-old not 22. You've given birth twice, and you can't remember the last time you felt beautiful or desirable. Yes, we all get older, and most of us gain weight and no longer look and or feel like we did in our younger days. And no, it doesn't help when someone, especially someone we love, tells us we could lose a few pounds. Ok, it sucks! But it no longer matters what he said. What matters is how you deal with it. And remember, you've already mentioned that it's true.

Let's face the facts. You, me, my wife, and millions of other people could probably stand to lose a few pounds. If we can look in the mirror and be 100% completely honest with ourselves, which my wife and I now do, which hurts a bit, but makes us understand that we do need to eat healthier and exercise more, which we do that, too, we both feel far more comfortable with our bodies, and the emotional stress of no longer looking as we did in our 20's, goes away.

Though we are always working on improving our bodies, we're now far more accepting and confident of ourselves, which in turn prevents the horrible emotional monster of jealousy when seeing the other watch the young hot bodies in porn movies or any movie for that matter.

As far as your concerns with your man comparing you to the porn actresses and their performances, do not worry about that. Watching porn is a fantasy, and fantasies are healthy. I'm sure you have some! :) Does your man "measure" up to the studs in the porn movies? Possibly, but doubtful.

Watching pornography (so long as it's legal pornography), if you remove the emotional monster of jealousy, is no more harmful than him watching his favorite sports. He likes it, he may even fantasize about being out on the field playing like the professional athletes, but we know it's not going to happen. He knows it, too! It's just good, clean, legal, harmless fun.

My overall advice for you both is to sit down and have an open, honest and loving conversation. Your man loves you, so to communicate openly and effectively, and together, work on getting back to the point where you once again feel beautiful and desirable.

Now go watch a movie together, fantasize together and just have fun!

Sincerely,