Living Together before Marriageliving together before marriage
Question: Should we move in together?Dear Glenn...I have a cousin who lived with her boyfriend for five years and then he broke up with her quite suddenly. I realize every relationship is different, but I've heard overwhelming statistics that say couples usually break up if they live together before marriage. I was wondering if that is true, and what you recommend? My boyfriend wants me to move in...we've been dating almost a year and I trust him and love him dearly... but am I putting our relationship at risk by doing so? I'm quite a confused woman as you can see and I'd love to hear what you have to say on this issue! living together before marriage Glenn's Answer:
Hello! living together before marriage Should you live together before marriage? Hmmm... Since you did not mention a few specific things such as, your ages, level of education or careers, it made both my opinion and research a bit more difficult. However, I've been through what you're asking -- twice, and did some research on the question. 1. My first marriage: She was 21 and I was 25. We moved in together and were married within a year. Our careers were not yet set, nor was our education completed. We were divorced within four-years. No children, thankfully! 2. My second (and current) marriage: She was 40 and I was 35. She had two children (still does, but both are now grown and out of the house. One completed college and is married. The other is away at college). We did move in together before marriage, but not until we set a wedding date, sat and discussed this with the children, and had plans to purchase a new home to raise her children once we married. We're celebrating our 10th anniversary this November. 3. From my research: Simply put, living together before marriage is not a trial for marriage, but rather setting yourselves up for a divorce. According to authors Po Bronson (NY Times Best Seller) and Ashley Merryman (Attorney), people living together before marriage had only a 49% chance of seeing their 15th anniversary. People who did not live together before marriage had a 61% chance of seeing their 15th anniversary. 4. My personal opinion I: If you both have completed your college education, have your started your careers, and both have personal savings and retirement investments, then you have a far better chance of succeeding than if you do not. 5. My personal opinion II: Statistically, the odds are against you. And again, since there's so much I do not know about you, this is all the sound advice I can offer. With what I've given you, you now need to make your own choice. But remember this...follow your instincts. If anything in your gut says, "hmmm...maybe we should wait?" Then wait! Regardless of your choice, I wish you both great happiness and success with all your endeavors! Sincerely, -Glenn living together before marriage (From Living Together Before Marriage) (Back to Advice Column for Women) (Back to Better Sex Home Page)
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