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Struggling With Low Libido?

Low Libido. Goncharenko. Dreamstime.com

Have you been thinking about how to increase female libido? You are not alone. Loss of libido in women or low sex drive is probably one of the most common complaints that a sex therapist gets from women when it comes to female sexuality. What's more, loss of libido can affect anyone at any time of their life. Not only do you not have any desire for sex, you also experience little or no enjoyment during the act.

We’ve all heard stories of women who make little ‘to-do lists’ in their heads during the ‘ordeal’ of sex and I’ve certainly heard enough women describing sex as ‘just another chore'. But the question of how to increase female libido remains.

There's an important link between your libido and the self care strategies that you employ. Don't miss these important tips. You will also find some tips in the section on being your own sex therapist . In the mean time, let's see if you can identify your libido type.

Libido Types

Dr Sandra Pertot, author of When Your Sex Drives Don’t Match, identified 10 different libido types. These aren’t scientifically validated concepts, but a way of describing individual differences in sexual desire and expression.

Using libido typing allows you to identify the differences between you and your partner so that you can open up new lines of communication. It also lets you challenge hurtful misconceptions about differing sex drives and discover the hidden strengths of your relationship.

Remember, there are many ways to be sexual. The most important thing is that you and your partner gain insight into each other’s preferences and negotiate something that works for both of you.

To really understand libido, it also helps to have insight into sexual arousal, so make sure you check this section out as well.

What’s your libido type?

Sensual

Emotional intimacy is more important to you than sexual performance if you’re the sensual type. It will bother you if your partner appears uninvolved or unaffectionate during intercourse.

Tip: Your partner’s sexual approach may be a reflection of what gives them pleasure, so don’t interpret it as a lack of emotional closeness.

Erotic

If you are erotic, you enjoy frequent, adventurous, passionate sex – the kind that is idealised by Hollywood and held up by our culture as desirable. You like to experiment and are quite happy to push boundaries.

Tip: If your partner is the opposite, you may think of them as boring or too safe. If they’re quite content with routine sex, you might want to gently encourage them to explore new ground.

Dependent

You use sex as a means to relieve stress and therefore become agitated when denied sex. Although women can be dependent, it is more likely that your partner has learnt this behaviour in adolescence. Males sometimes get into the habit of masturbating to cope with stress and sleeplessness.

Tip: If you or your partner belongs to the dependent type, it may be beneficial to delve into alternative ways of dealing with pressure, including breathing techniques or relaxing activities.

Entitled

You have a sense of entitlement regarding sex and believe that you partner should fulfil your needs regardless of their own sexual preferences.

Tip: It is important to realise that you’re not owed sex just because of being in a relationship. Your partner’s needs and wants should be acknowledged as being as valid as your own.

Addictive

You have a very high sex drive that you find hard to control. There’s a possibility that it may be genetic, but it may simply be that you feel emotionally insecure and use sex as a means to receive validation from others. There is a risk that you may seek sex outside of your relationship, so it’s imperative that you are honest with yourself and your partner, and seek help if needed.

Tip: Ask yourself how much you value your relationship and commit to do what’s necessary to keep it strong.

Reactive

You’re the type of lover who gains most pleasure from satisfying your partner. It’s important for you to feel that you are a good lover. It may also be that you lack confidence and therefore don’t expect your own needs to be met.

Tip: To have a mutually satisfying sex life, there needs to be a balance between giving and taking. Besides, if you’re not willing to receive, you may be depriving your partner of the gratification of pleasing you.

Stressed

This is another type that usually belongs in the male domain. You feel huge pressure to perform well and to please your partner.

Tip: The key here is to take the pressure off your physical performance, and find other ways to achieve orgasm.

Disinterested

A low libido can be the result of biological or emotional factors. It may be that your sex drive has always been low; otherwise it may have progressively declined during the course of your relationship. If you’re disinterested in sex, it has the potential to cause massive strain on your relationship as your partner may feel rejected.

Tip: Focus on becoming more sensual and allow yourself to enjoy the affection and intimacy that sex brings.

Detached

Even though your sex drive might be quite high and you’re able to perform without any problems, you feel detached during the act. This may be the result of life stressors, such as bereavement or stress at work.

Tip: If you feel that you’re being pulled in a lot of different directions, be open with your partner about the demands made on you and try relaxation techniques, body psychotherapy work, or yoga.

Compulsive

You may like to use erotic materials to arouse you and have specific sexual rituals. Sex is more about meeting your own inner needs than about making an emotional connection with your partner.

Tip: If you want to have an equally pleasing sexual relationship, there needs to be a balance between your preferred activities and focusing on your partner’s needs.

Can you change your libido type?

Research shows that about 70% of your sex drive is influenced by genetics. However, there are a lot of other factors that become part of the equation, including your history (for example traumatic sexual experiences in the past), your attitude, self-confidence, the pressures you’re under, your age and your health. Your libido also depends on the quality of your relationship. Often, if the relationship improves, so does your sex drive.

There is always room for change. The more insight you have in how you’re functioning and why, the more opportunity you have to transform your sex drive.

A mindful approach to your sex life is highly beneficial. So is body psychotherapy.

Sex Enhancers for Women

There are many products on the market designed to boost flagging sexual energy and maintain arousal. www.consumerhealthdigest.com is a leading US health information site which provides information on the main sex enhancers for females in the form of a top 25 list.

Each item was judged against a range of criteria, including ingredient quality, how it enhances sexual energy and sex drive, and whether it heightens sensitivity. Quite a few products scored highly, with Fematril coming in first with a score of 19 out of 20.

Natural Alternatives

If the idea of libido enhancers for females doesn’t do it for you, you may want to stock up on natural alternatives that have aphrodisiac qualities. Oysters (of course), dark chocolate (woo-hoo!), artichokes and asparagus (oh well…), caffeine, cinnamon, cloves, ginseng, nutmeg and sage should all have an honorary place in the pantry. Check out my comprehensive list of aphrodisiacs for more information.

You can also follow the Orgasm Diet to ensure better sex and super climaxes!

(From Libido) (Back to Better Sex Home Page)