How to Stay in Love

Let Kisses and Cuddles Lead the Way

Most people think of bonding as the close love relationship that is created between a mother and a newborn child. Yet bonding is an important part of the intimate relationship between lovers too.

In lovers, bonding behaviors look a bit different than they do between parent and infant, yet the similarities are easy to see. In a blog post, The Lazy Way to Stay in Love, Marnia Robinson identified the following bonding behaviors between partners, also known as attachment cues:

· smiling, with eye contact

· skin-to-skin contact

· providing a service or treat without being asked

· giving unsolicited approval, via smiles or compliments

· gazing into each other's eyes

· listening intently, and restating what you hear

· forgiving or overlooking an error or thoughtless remark, past or present

· preparing your partner something to eat

· synchronized breathing

· kissing with lips and tongues

· cradling, or gently rocking, your partner's head and torso (works well on a couch, or with lots of pillows)

· holding, or spooning, each other in stillness

· wordless sounds of contentment and pleasure

· stroking with intent to comfort

· massaging with intent to comfort, especially feet, shoulders and head

· hugging with intent to comfort

· lying with your ear over your partner's heart and listening to the heart beat

· touching and sucking of nipples/breasts

· gently placing your palm over your lover's genitals with intent to comfort rather than arouse

· making time together at bedtime a priority

· gentle intercourse.

Tips on How to Stay in Love

Of course, having regular sex does wonders for relationship satisfaction. But for couples who feel a little stuck when it comes to sex, even just a little warm touch can make a huge difference.

A simple exercise in which partners gently touch each other's neck, or shoulders and hands, increases oxytocin, a hormone that facilitates bonding and reduces blood pressure and physiological stress levels, found a team of researchers from Brigham State University and the University of Utah.

In short, you can reap the benefits of touch even when you don't have the time or energy for intercourse. Just a quick hug or backrub can boost your mood — and your connection with your partner.

Here are a few tips for staying in love:

1. Bonding behaviors need to occur daily - or at least very regularly in order to work.

2. You don't need to indulge in bonding behaviors for a particularly long length of time or put an enormous effort into it. They just need to be genuinely selfless. Even just holding each other for a few minutes at the end of a long day, or cuddling before getting up in the morning, signals that your relationship is on the right track.

3. The more you use bonding behaviors, the more sensitive you become to the neurochemicals that help you feel loving and loved.

4. Bonding behaviors should not be confused with foreplay. The goal of foreplay is to build sexual tension leading to orgasm. In contrast, bonding behaviors are geared toward relaxation.

Nurturing touch has a wonderful way of building intimacy and making love last. It will help you sustain harmony in your relationship with surprising ease. So make sure to let kisses and cuddles lead the way!

Have Feedback About This Topic?

Please share your feedback.

(From How to Stay in Love) (Back to Better Sex for Couples) (From How to Stay in Love to Better Sex Home Page)