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Ending Relationships

Ending relationships is never an easy thing to do. A lot of people feel paralysed when they they need to make a decision on letting go of a relationship. Your head may tell you one thing and your heart may be telling you something else. so how do you know if your gut instincts on ending relationships are right?

In recent research, Professor Hazel Rose Markus from Stanford University found that indecision is crippling because it makes us feel bewildered and depressed. People tend to become fixated with what their decision will make them look like in the eyes of others, and then when they have finally made a choice, they worry that it was the wrong one, leading to regret and uncertainty.

Read on for advice on how to know whether you're making the right decision.

Follow your intuition

Following your intuition is a very important step when it comes to ending relationships. All people have an inner voice of wisdom that tells them what the right thing is to do, whether they want to know it or not. The challenge is to tune in to that voice and to take action when it speaks.

In therapy, people often say 'I always knew this relationship was't right for me,' or 'I knew I wasn't really happy,' yet they found it too difficult to put their emotions aside to make a sound decision and then stay in destructive relationships for much too long.

Trust yourself. Meditate on important decisions and let your inner wisdom speak. The more you do it, the easier it will become to know what the right thing is to do.

Give yourself a time limit

If you are thinking of letting go of a relationship, then give yourself a time frame for taking action. Say to yourself "If I still feel like this in X months, then I have to do Z." Write the date down in your diary and take the time to reconsider your position. If you're still unhappy or the relationship hasn't improved, it may be time to cut your losses.

Weigh up every possibility

When clients ask me for relationship help, I always recommend they assess a situation form every possible angle. This helps to see the reality of the situation and brings clarity.

For example, when a decision has to be made about ending relationships, it may be helpful to make a list of reasons to stay and a list of reasons to go. Write down all the positives and negatives in detail. Just remember, you have to be honest for this to work.

Keep a Journal

Journalling is one of the best ways to gain insight into your relationship as it allows you to see patterns over a period of time. Write down your thoughts, either in a notebook or on your computer. It will help you gain perspective and allow thoughts, feelings and various options to flow.

Talk to someone

If you've got a trusted friend or partner, talk the situation over with them. Just having the opportunity to ‘vent' can be very valuable. If you feel uncomfortable talking to someone in your real life, then talk to a therapist. Having someone objective use as a mirror can be a very enlightening and time-effective way to come to a conclusion.

What does your heart say?

If all else fails, flip a coin or swing a pendulum. Yip, just try it! If the answer makes your heart sink, then you know you want to go the other way. However, if you have an internal fist-pumping "yes!", then you know you're on the right path.

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